JWalking: The Blog

"'W hat will this day be like?' I wonder.   'What will my future be?' I wonder.   It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free.   My heart should be wildly rejoicing . Oh, what's the matter with me?...." L ast week, I had to face a day that I had hardly pondered becoming a reality: I announced that I was stepping down from directing the New Hanover JuBELLees--the bell choir that I have directed for seven seasons. A week later, there's a part of me that's still throwing up inside over having made that decision, even though I know it was the decision that I was supposed to make. I had come to the determination a number of weeks ago. It was a troubling feeling. I had felt I lost my passion for what I was doing. Not that I didn't love handbells. This is my lifelong instrument--the only one I've been able to play with any real success. Not that I didn't want a handbell ministry to continue through my church.

S he called me again today with tears in her voice. I've spoken with her three times this week: the first, a casual call with a question, after which came some lively conversation; the second, unexpected, with a literal cry of devastation and a complete loss for words; today, the third, still with tears, but also with a request. After a weekend of difficult news and many prayers, my friend just lost a friend. Not just any friend, but a friend of more than 60 years! A friend like a big sister. The kind of friend for which they wrote the "Grow old with me--the best is yet to be!" adage for the framed needlework sampler in your hallway. When you're on the other end of the phone and this call comes in, you find yourself feeling pretty helpless. There are no suitable words. I know well enough to stay far away from pat expressions of sympathy. But I found it hard to come up with much beyond, "Oh.... Oh....," which sounds so useless on the phone. Yet

W hat seems like long ago on these pages--last summer--were pictures of CJ from a visit to a local treasure, Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens. She and I spent a long beautiful morning enjoying the garden displays--inside and out. On the way home, she decided that she would really like to go more often. A membership for Christmas would be a great gift! And, so it is--already! On Christmas Day, CJ received a family membership to the gardens (plus two, for Grandma and Grandpa when they visit, or other guests). What we didn't know is that it came with four tickets to their annual "Gardenfest of Lights." Since we had plans after Christmas, we looked to early January for a late visit to the show. We were not disappointed! Even though they look a bit nervous sitting on this butterfly.... R and I both had cameras that night. His pictures are much better, because he had a tripod and wasn't running. I had the camera looped around my hand, running after RJ2, w