I am going through one of the most difficult seasons. I don't want to say there haven't been offers of help, or people concerned, or even steps taken. But, the truth is, if I'm making forward progress, I'm quickly not making forward progress again.
I don't have enough blog space, nor do you have enough time and capacity to understand the journey that I have been on and what it has transitioned into, both in the last several years and the last several weeks. I am drowning in both a loss of information and too much information that may or may not apply. I reach out for help only to receive cancellation, or month-long delay, or interest but inability to move much beyond that. I receive helpful suggestions, action plans, treatment courses, therapeutic interventions, prayerful support from well-meaning and loving friends. Still, I can't figure out what's happening nor determine the course for how to make effective change. And change is needed yesterday.
Until you come to this place, you only read about these stories -- the ones you hope never happen to you. Then, you find you are actually living "one of those," and you not only feel helpless but you are helpless. You are told you are not alone, but... you are.
Having a moment of respite with a friend who is living "one of those," she said, It's not the kind of thing where people bring you over a lasagna.
I understood the sentiment, even though my first thought of action when people are going through circumstances that require their full attention on other things more important is to bring them food. It's something I know how to do. It's tangible. It's important to live. It's one less little detail of life on which to have to focus when they're fully into the other thing of much greater magnitude.
But, people don't bring you "the lasagna" when you are dealing with this kind of life stuff. While I was all-in with my friend when she said this, I have had new thoughts about that today: We're wrong about "the lasagna." We actually need "the lasagna."
Because, what happens with this kind of life stuff is that those who are lovingly concerned suddenly feel stymied and uncomfortable about their ability to offer help in that tangible way of connecting with someone else. Suddenly, the magnitude of whatever this season is is so large that they aren't sure how to respond at all. So, they slowly stop. I have done this. I understand it.
But, now being the increasingly vulnerable one, seeking relief from this season, I am suddenly craving "the lasagna" for which I could never directly ask. Because the connection through "the lasagna" IS CONNECTION. Connection is sustaining, even when you can't help with any of the life stuff.
Those of you who know me know this post is not about my need for a pan of lasagna. (It would have to be gluten-free. I have lots of issues 😀 .) But, I have enough clarity left in me in this season of the moment to know that I still need connection. I know many people who desperately need connection. I feel terrible that I am unable to make the kinds of connections I want to with people given my current state of limited capacity.
But, whatever "the lasagna" is that works for you, will you share that "pan" with the people around you who need connection? You cannot solve their problems completely, but "the lasagna" feeds them more than you know.
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